Guest testimonial by Emily and Carl Wilson for Tuesday@10:10 blog post

Before mentoring we had trouble talking about issues and differences. We weren't very open about feelings. Frustration would build until it couldn't anymore. Our relationship was good, but not what it could be. We chose to pursue mentoring as a decision together.

We had taken RINGS to learn more about ourselves and how to better our relationship. It went so well we wanted to continue in mentoring. It was to bring a new meaning into our lives. Mentoring made our marriage stronger. It improved us as parents and as people. We forget sometimes to use tools for things we learned that will better our relationship, but always bounce back how we should. No matter how hard a situation becomes, we are able to figure it out instead of giving up.

Renewal mentoring by David and Tina Cotto

By Lavern Nissley for Tuesday@10:10 blogpost

You are going to love what I came across this past week! A website of exceptional love stories. Good, heartfelt, sometimes painful love stories. Here is a description:

"At I Believe in Love, we invite ordinary young adults to share their hopes and their worries, their triumphs and their struggles on the journey to marriage and family life. We believe that through writing we can better understand our personal stories and re-write a better story about lasting love and marriage in America." --ibelieveinlove.com

The video below provides a quick look at the scope and impact of these love stories.

And get this, the I believe in love Facebook page currently has 28,506 likes! That's a lot of love!

Here at Marriage Resource Center of Miami Valley we are all about love stories. Especially if we can get to "lasting love and marriage in America."

​Please take a few minutes to explore this inspiring website. And maybe write/submit your own love story.

Guest testimonial by Leiah and Justin Abshear
for Tuesday@10:10 blog post

My husband, Justin, and I decided to pursue mentoring because we wanted to get married and we wanted to be better prepared for that. Not only did our mentor couple meet with us multiple times before our wedding, we also met throughout the first year of marriage! This was extremely helpful because they gave us so many tools to prepare for marriage and then helped us utilize them correctly in order to get through that crazy first year of married life. 

We felt so comfortable with our mentors and often sought their advice. They gave helpful hints and shared personal experiences which made us feel normal and connected. Upon learning that we were Christians, they gave us some amazing and practical verses to use and helped keep our focus on God. They were two of the kindest people and helped make our first year of marriage spectacular!

Premarital mentoring by Brian and Lisa Case​

CLICK for more info on marriage mentoring

By Lavern and Ronda Nissley
How we were forever affected by a marriage retreat and home invasion in March, 1990 - 11 years into our marriage.
 
In March of 1990 we were invited to attend a weekend Marriage Seminar by a friend of ours. At that time, we had been married for 11 years, had 3 kids (1, 7 and 10 years of age) and were well immersed in our respective careers – Lavern as a Pastor, Ronda as a Financial Analyst. We didn’t really feel like OUR marriage needed help, but we agreed to go to find resources for “the other couples” in our church.

That weekend changed the course of our marriage in two important ways. (1) We made a commitment to pray together on a daily basis;  (2) We became intentional about developing a “one-flesh” marriage where we worked side-by-side – completing each other instead of competing with each other.

That weekend also birthed within us a calling and heart passion for marriage ministry. We envisioned the rest of our lives invested in other marriages as we ourselves lived out God’s original blueprint for marriages from Genesis 2:21-25.
At the end of the weekend we gathered our children around us and let them know that things would be different – that we were committing to pray with each other and for our family on a daily basis. Little did we know how important that commitment would become in the days and weeks ahead.

Two days later we woke up to discover the incomprehensible. While we were sleeping, our home was invaded and an unknown male entered through a basement window and victimized our 10-year old daughter.  Ronda found our daughter in her bedroom – pale and trembling uncontrollably.  It took us days to comprehend fully what had happened.

In the aftermath – the trip to the ER, the interviews, the detectives, the counselors, the reactions of family and friends, the investigation, the suspects – we sought to make sense of the senseless. We were scared. We were angry – angry at God; angry at the offender (whoever he was); angry at the police; angry at insensitive comments. The next night we all slept in one room with the door barricaded and a baseball bat nearby – the man had threatened to come back and kill her if she told anyone. A friend offered us a handgun. We were ready to do anything to protect our family.

Out of our hurt, we prayed. Within a month we launched a marriage group in our living room. We taught our first marriage class, and we shared openly about our journey while attempting to practice what we were teaching. In hindsight, we believe the principles and skills we learned kept our marriage from blowing apart during that traumatic and stressful time in our lives. Gradually, the healing came, and we began to put our lives back together. The offender was apprehended 18 months later in Florida.

We continued to lead marriage groups and retreats within our church and around the country, while continuing with our “day jobs” – dreaming about some day working together exclusively in marriage ministry. That “some day” opportunity arrived in 2005 with an invitation to assume directorship of the fledgling Marriage Savers of Clark County – the predecessor of Marriage Resource Center of Miami Valley.
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We believe there is another type of home invasion experienced all too often by far too many families across this country – DIVORCE. It tears apart families and destroys the innocence of children.  We commit ourselves with the same intensity with which we defend our own family to supporting other marriages and equipping couples with the tools to go the distance. We commit to walking the journey with couples - not having arrived ourselves, but always learning. We commit to encourage, inspire, support and raise up other champions for the cause of healthy marriages.
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What we do is not just a job….it’s our life.

By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post

I am a junkie of data and stories related to marriage and marriage education. Every day dozens of articles and posts come my way that address various factors in marriage dynamics and research.

So what do I do with these articles and posts? How would I be able to access one quickly in the future?

Glad you asked! An app called Flipboard has made capturing such information into visually pleasing "magazines" super easy. I'd like to connect you with one of the magazines I curate.

• Magazine name: MARRIAGE STORIES, RESEARCH, STATS, TIPS, QUOTES
• # of articles: 125
• # of  followers: 402
• # of page flips: 12,930

​How to connect to this magazine

• In a browser simply go to http://flip.it/LfPZm and SCROLL DOWN. You'll want to BOOKMARK and FOLLOW.
• If you have a smart phone, look for the Flipboard app. Find this magazine and others I curate under username @lavernn. 

Hope you find this useful. Realize that articles I "flip" into this magazine are not necessarily ones I support or agree with. But they do inform our understanding of what's going on and happening in the marriage field.

Guest testimonial by Julia and Chad Buddenberg
​for Tuesday@10:10 blogpost

A year after Chad and I met, we knew that we wanted to spend our lives together. Combining our families was a lot easier than learning to communicate effectively. Our children loved each other and we all got along well. We had very different ideas on how to raise kids and very different communication styles. We were arguing a lot and feeling the stress of possibly another failed relationship. 

We heard about the Marriage Resource Center and RINGS class. We attended a Saturday RINGS session and loved the tools given to us to communicate in a loving and productive way. Not long after, we decided to take the advice of our teachers to seek out a mentor couple through MRC.

​The very first meeting was like meeting new friends instead of "instructors." They knew the struggles that we faced and connected with us on an emotional level almost immediately. We met with them weekly, but we could have met with them daily and learned something new every time. We never felt judged or that we were failing in our relationship. We just needed to appreciate our differences, put the work into succeeding, and seeing each other through loving eyes instead of focusing on what was wrong with us.

During our weeks of mentoring we got engaged, and knew we needed Eddie and Jackie there as our support. Without much notice, Eddie married us on May 1, 2015, and Jackie was there as a witness. Without them and their guidance, we believe it may have been a much longer and painful road to where we are now. We are grateful for the loving support that they have given us. 

Stepfamily mentoring by Eddie and Jackie Jaudon

By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post

On October 20, 1955 David Nissley and Edna Herschberger were married in an Amish wedding ceremony in Arthur, Illinois by my grandfather, Ira Nissley. That makes today their 60th wedding anniversary, and I believe special congratulations to them are in order.

Things have changed considerably in our culture and in our world the past 60 years. Technology, fashion, education, politics, transportation, architecture, values, cultural norms, media, leisure, entertainment. If you've been around for 60 years, you can attest to the dramatic changes around you!

But one thing that hasn't changed is my Mom and Dad's love for and commitment to each other. Oh, they definitely had their ups and downs. During the time we kids were growing up, we did NOT want a marriage like theirs!

But we've seen their love for each other grow, and I'm sure they would do it all over again: in sickness and in health, in lean times and in times of plenty, in sadness and in celebration.

Mom and Dad, I'm proud of you today! You have achieved a milestone that most couples don't - due to either physical or relational death. You have set a benchmark that Ronda and I hope to reach someday. Thank you for going the distance.

​Well done!

By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post

This past Saturday, October 10, Ronda and I set out on a challenging journey with her sister and brother in law from Cincinnati. It was a century ride - 100 miles - us on our tandem recumbent bicycle and them on faster, more nimble road bikes.

This was our 5th ride of this length, an annual ritual we've achieved since 2011. The weather was gorgeous, and none of us experienced any tire flats or mechanical problems.

But, oh the impact on our muscles and posteriors! You don't peddle for almost 9 hours without experiencing discomfort! But in the midst of the pain we saw the challenge as a metaphor for marriages that go the distance. Here are a several connecting points:

• A journey of this length takes commitment and persistence from BOTH. We are an "US". We likely won't make it if one person just decides to stop peddling and coasts.
• The trip is best accomplished by breaking it into incremental segments rather than all at once. Cincinnati to Loveland. Loveland to Morrow. Morrow to Corbin. Corbin to Spring Valley. And back. In marriage it is, "We can do it. We can make it through today, this week, this month."
• Even small stretch breaks can provide refreshment and new energy. Not only did we find this helpful on the century ride, we also see this in our marriage. Small getaways for just the two of us to catch our breath. Date nights, long weekends and breaks from the daily exertion and tedium are wonderful!
• Frequent water and food keeps our bodies hydrated and energized. There is no way we could have covered 100 miles without these basic necessities. Neither can we overlook the elements that energize our marriages: kindness, appreciation, honesty, openness, empathy, "love tank" deposits or forgiveness.

So, completing a 100 mile bike ride is quite a bit like celebrating a 60+ year marriage. Daunting? Yes. Painful? Yes. Worth it? Yes!! Would we do it all over again? Absolutely!!!
​

By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post

​Ronda and I have intersected with hundreds of married couples over the past 25 years. We've noticed the following:

• Healthy married couples almost always have a DAILY point of connection that enables them to share information, appreciations, dreams, needs and how they are feeling.
• Struggling married couples almost never have such a point of connection.
• Hmmmm . . .

So, the RINGS Chat from our RINGS Experience class for couples was designed to help ALL couples experience a DAILY point of connection that could be refreshing, non-threatening and fun. And able to be done in a compressed or expanded time frame. For us it's usually 10-15 minutes every day.

Does it prevent all conflicts and disagreements? No. We're still human and prone to selfishness. The point of the RINGS Chat is NOT to sprinkle magical fairy dust over ourselves and have a "lived happily ever after" relationship. But the RINGS Chat, over time, does build closeness and intimacy. Isn't that worth 10-15 minutes a day?

If you have been through The RINGS Experience, you already know the basic layout of the RINGS Chat; if not, then we would love to have you take a peek at it in the video demo at right. Then try it out yourselves.

For RINGS Experience alumni, we invite you to weigh in on social media about your own journey with the RINGS Chat. Let us know how it has worked for you, what adaptations you've made and any encouragement to "newbies".

Disclaimer: Not all couples will benefit from the RINGS Chat. Where the 3 A's exist (abuse, affairs, addictions), professional resources like counseling/intervention should be sought.

​Enjoy!

Purchase RINGS Chat cards in our Store

By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post

I've read hundreds of Facebook posts and shares on marriage. "3 steps" of this, "4 tips" on that, "5 ways" to improve your sex life. Many are excellent and insightful, but today I'd like for you to see one of my all time favorites.

It was posted September 15, 2015 by Jeff Cook, our daughter-in-law's father, a former Cedarville University professor and currently working with CrossPurpose Center for Urban Leadership in Denver, Colorado.

Someone asked me recently in an interview how we have balanced marriage/family life and ministry over the years. This was what I told them:

Early in our first church-planting ministry my wife sat me down, looked me in the eye and told me in no uncertain terms, “Jeff, you have to decide if you are married to me or to that church.”

I tried, of course, to bob and weave and make her feel guilty for being an obstacle to me serving God and people. The fact was that I was way overcommitted in ministry, and I was leaving my family in the dust. It was a shot across the bow, and I knew then I needed some boundaries. I listened. She has been the best barometer for how I am balancing those priorities for the past forty years. It’s never easy, and you never are totally “balanced.” But you work at it, and listen to people who love you.

“Take heed to yourselves, and to the flock over which the Lord has made you overseers.” (Paul to the Ephesian elders, Acts 20.)

If you don’t take care of yourselves first, you will have no ministry.

This wisdom doesn't apply just to ministry leaders. It applies to anyone tempted to make an outside allegiance or affection more important than the marriage. It could be work, school, sports, coffee club, kids, parents, a home improvement project--all good, but not to become a higher priority than the marriage.

For the record, "Ronda Nissley, I'm married fully to you and no other entity!"

Thank you, Jeff and Inge, for this reminder!

Jeff and Inge Cook, Denver, Colorado