Is independence always a good thing?

By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog

Independence Day. Freedom from tyranny. Something to be celebrated, right? Our country took a step forward in becoming independent from Great Britain 239 years ago. I don't think anyone would want to go back to the way things were. Taxation without representation . . . ugh! In this context "independence" is a positive word.

Somehow I don't think "independence" is such a positive word in marriage! Two people seeking ways to be free from each other's influence feels more like a recipe for divorce than for a healthy marriage. 

Speaking from experience, I can say that the "independence mindset" is damaging and leads away from, not toward, unity. I have seen the negative impact upon Ronda, my wife of 36 years, when I make a unilateral decision that affects her--be it a large purchase, a time commitment or anything that leaves her perspective out in the cold.

A better mindset for a healthy marriage is "inter-dependence", a mutual working together toward common goals. It acknowledges that we both need the other person while bringing positive contributions ourselves. Several examples:

• Working together to prepare a meal
• Riding a tandem bicycle
• Tackling a not-so-fun household project together
• Seeking your partner's perspective on any meaningful topic while sharing your own respectfully

It is true that all of us need our space from time to time. Freedom from anyone telling us what to do. But I wonder if a healthy balance of independence and inter-dependence may not be better for marriage relationships. How have you experienced this balance (or tension) in your relationship? Talk with your spouse about how the balance is feeling.

Then light a few safe fireworks and celebrate your life together!

Images courtesy of zdiviv and tuelekza at FreeDigitalPhotos.net