By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post

Today I'd like to refer you to an excellent post by Mike McManus in his April 7 Ethics and Religion column. He refers to the recent Time cover story entitled Porn: Why Young Men Who Grew Up With Internet Porn Are Advocates Of Turning It Off.

As a man who used to seek out porn myself, I am fully behind the many efforts to make it as inaccessible as possible. It is truly addictive and destructive to healthy relationships.

Please take about 5 minutes to READ THE POST by Mike McManus. I personally learned of porn use affects I had never heard of before. But I also resonated with the hope and personal freedom when porn is no longer an active part of one's life.

Whether or not you are currently an active porn user, you will benefit from this post. I've chosen to do what I can so that others can experience freedom from one of the most insidious imprisonments ever devised.

If you have another 3 minutes, take a look at the video clip at right that I did several years ago on Getting Unstuck from Multimedia Impurity.

​Will you join me in the battle?

By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post

You've heard it many times. "Practice makes perfect". That may be true for certain technical or physical skills like welding, sewing, diving, gymnastics, etc.

But in relationships there is no such thing as perfection. Even couples who have been married and "practicing" for over half a century . . . perfection is quite elusive. In fact, the longer the relationship, the more realistic the expectation that perfection is simply not attainable.

Ron and Cathy Tijerina, co-directors of The Ridge Project in McClure, Ohio, emphasize in their relationship trainings that "practice makes permanent". So while there is no "perfection status" payoff to practicing various skills, couples who keep working on those skills will see increased health, vitality and permanence.

The Tijerina's story of Ron's 15 year incarceration for a crime he didn't commit is chronicled in their book High Five, which includes 5 solid principles for building a forever family:

• Friendship
• Faithfulness
• Forgiveness
• Fairness
• Fortitude

Check out this helpful resource and experience the inspiration of this couple's story of putting into practice 5 principles that not only left their own marriage intact, but that has touched hundreds of other marriages as well.

With perfection out of reach (for you or your partner), you can relax and simply work together on building permanence.

By Lavern Nissley for Tuesday@10:10 blogpost

You are going to love what I came across this past week! A website of exceptional love stories. Good, heartfelt, sometimes painful love stories. Here is a description:

"At I Believe in Love, we invite ordinary young adults to share their hopes and their worries, their triumphs and their struggles on the journey to marriage and family life. We believe that through writing we can better understand our personal stories and re-write a better story about lasting love and marriage in America." --ibelieveinlove.com

The video below provides a quick look at the scope and impact of these love stories.

And get this, the I believe in love Facebook page currently has 28,506 likes! That's a lot of love!

Here at Marriage Resource Center of Miami Valley we are all about love stories. Especially if we can get to "lasting love and marriage in America."

​Please take a few minutes to explore this inspiring website. And maybe write/submit your own love story.

By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post

Imagine how you would feel if you were one of the 32 million subscribers to Ashley Madison, the affair-seeking site that was recently hacked. The leaked list of subscribers, assumed to be private, can now be searched by name or email. Ed Stetzer, writing for Christianity Today, estimated that 400 church leaders (pastors, elders, staff, etc.) would be resigning this past weekend due to the damaging exposure of their indiscretions.

Yes, the idea of paying for a "discreet affair" is dark, despicable and rooted in relational disconnection and deception. Although many things that used to be wrong have now become OK, having an affair is still taboo. In fact, 81.7% of all Americans believe it is wrong.

But before we start throwing stones at others, let's take a look in the mirror. How disconnected and how transparent am I in my own marriage or relationship? These are typically the core/deeper issues, not sex per se.

We're making available two relevant resources below from our couple's class, The RINGS Experience. It's a quick, free, 2 page download, and we encourage your honest reflections with both of them.

• Journey to Disconnectedness - Developed by Tim and Linda Buttrey after they experienced an affair and saw their marriage restored.
• Questions for Self-reflection - A simple survey on determining how healthy, transparent and "high definition" your relationship is. Adapted from Bethany and Scott Palmer and Lynne M. Thompson.

Hopefully, you weren't on the Ashley Madison list. But even more, we hope you are doing everything possible to protect your marriage connection and transparency. It is so worth it!