Category: RINGS Chat

No marriage champion too young

3/29/2016

By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post

Yesterday on Facebook I posted how an 11 year old girl sent us a donation and card that really touched us. Here was her message:

"Dear Marriage Resource Center, For Easter I got $6. I have decided that I have everything that I need. So I am going to give all my money to you guys. I am doing this because I feel God is putting it on my heart. I hope you enjoy my money. Happy Easter! May God bless you!"

Her mother later provided some context: "She told me she wanted to use her money to help families since so many have helped ours over the years."

Well, that $6 will definitely help families! Next Monday evening Ronda and I have been invited to speak to 60 men at London Correctional Institution about forgiveness and relationships. We plan to share the RINGS Chat with them and give each of them their own RINGS Chat card.

The cost to print RINGS Chat cards? Only $.10. The cost to provide 60 men with their own cards? $6!

Truly there is no investment too small or marriage champion too young! Thank you, Lia, for your generous heart!

Donation and card from Lia, age 11

Lia with her family featured on a Springfield billboard. She is 2nd from left.

Thank you, Lia!

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The power of small positive changes

3/8/2016

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By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post

Have you ever heard of the Vector Principle? It is based upon 360 degrees in a compass where North is 0 or 360, East is 90, South is 180 and West is 270. Airport runways are named according to their directional orientation, like "Runway 18" pointing south (180 degrees).

So what does that have to do with making small positive changes in relationships?

A small heading, or directional, change of say 3 degrees may not appear like much at the start. But following those headings will lead to a huge difference over time and distance.

The picture at right has an airplane bound for Paris making a slight heading deviation of several degrees and ending up in Egypt. Quite a difference!

The vector principle gives hope to those facing marriage and relationship challenges. Even small positive changes now, sustained over time, will lead to a much different outcome than no changes at all.

Our RINGS Experience classes are based upon making small, manageable changes that, over time, make a huge difference. For Ronda and me, the RINGS Chat on a daily basis has us at a much healthier place than if we had never made this small change years ago.

What small positive changes could you make today?

Even small positive changes now, sustained over time, will lead to a much different outcome than no changes at all.

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Anatomy of a RINGS Chat

9/29/2015

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By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post

Ronda and I have intersected with hundreds of married couples over the past 25 years. We've noticed the following:

Healthy married couples almost always have a DAILY point of connection that enables them to share information, appreciations, dreams, needs and how they are feeling.
Struggling married couples almost never have such a point of connection.
Hmmmm . . .

So, the RINGS Chat from our RINGS Experience class for couples was designed to help ALL couples experience a DAILY point of connection that could be refreshing, non-threatening and fun. And able to be done in a compressed or expanded time frame. For us it's usually 10-15 minutes every day.

Does it prevent all conflicts and disagreements? No. We're still human and prone to selfishness. The point of the RINGS Chat is NOT to sprinkle magical fairy dust over ourselves and have a "lived happily ever after" relationship. But the RINGS Chat, over time, does build closeness and intimacy. Isn't that worth 10-15 minutes a day?

If you have been through The RINGS Experience, you already know the basic layout of the RINGS Chat; if not, then we would love to have you take a peek at it in the video demo at right. Then try it out yourselves.

For RINGS Experience alumni, we invite you to weigh in on social media about your own journey with the RINGS Chat. Let us know how it has worked for you, what adaptations you've made and any encouragement to "newbies".

Disclaimer: Not all couples will benefit from the RINGS Chat. Where the 3 A's exist (abuse, affairs, addictions), professional resources like counseling/intervention should be sought.

Enjoy!

Purchase RINGS Chat cards in our Store

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Serotonin-healthy relationships (Part 3 of 3 posts)

8/25/2015

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By Ronda Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post
Ronda is co-director of Marriage Resource Center of Miami Valley, Springfield, Ohio

In our RINGS class we describe the "Journey to Disconnectedness" (by Tim and Linda Buttrey) where couples drift along a path of chronic busy-ness, fatigue and irritability until they find themselves totally disconnected and seeking fulfillment in addictions or other relationships.

With 36 years of marriage behind us and 20+ years of working with couples - we can confidently conclude that ALL couples experience seasons of high stress and busyness. There are times when there seems to be no end to work and family demands and life may feel like it's spiraling out of control.

We have seen young, committed couples move from "We will be together ALWAYS - no matter what" to "I don't recognize this person I'm living with anymore". We've been there ourselves.

A common theme running through the lives of these struggling couples are lives that are crazy busy with time demands that far exceed the ability of any human being to effectively manage. Our "Serotonin Tanks" are constantly running on empty and our ability to regulate emotions and effectively problem solve are greatly compromised - two skills critical to develop and sustain healthy relationships.

Our message to ourselves and other couples is to "H.A.L.T." Pay attention to the 12 serotonin depleters and 12 serotonin replenishers. Take time to de-stress and de-compress. (See previous blogs). Create a peaceful oasis in your busy day to connect with your spouse. Make time with your spouse a priority - just 10-15 minutes a day of quality intentional connecting (think RINGS chat) can reap huge relationship dividends. If you have NO IDEA what we're talking about - sign up for a RINGS class and we'll tell you.

Previously . . .
Unlocking the serotonin mystery (Part 1 of 3 posts)
The serotonin tank (Part 2 of 3 posts)

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How to tune an out of tune marriage

6/2/2015

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By Lavern Nissley

Although I don't play the guitar (keyboards are my niche), I know the importance of regular tuning. Most electric and acoustic guitars have six strings, any one of which can "drift" out of tune and affect the overall pleasantness of output. This is true regardless of style or genre of music.

Many guitars have built in tuners that allow for easy adjustments. Watch any pop concert, and you'll notice guitars being swapped out constantly for tuning. Orchestras tune to the oboe because its pitch is easy to hear and is fairly stable.

According to Wikipedia, A440 or A4, which has a frequency of 440 Hz, is the musical note A above middle C and serves as a general tuning standard for musical pitch.

Marriages can easily get out of tune from A440--that tone of "healthy interaction" that is pleasing to the couple itself and those "listening". If not tuned regularly, the "drift" can make others want to cover their ears!

How do you know if you're in or out of tune? See John Gottman's research on Marriage Predictors.

Ronda and I have found that we need daily tuning of our marriage. The RINGS Chat and praying together have become our A440. Annually, we've found a resource like The Couple Checkup helpful in identifying elements in our marriage that are out of balance.

Regardless of the "personality style" of your marriage, find an A440 that keeps you in tune!

Top image courtesy of amenic181 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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No marriage champion too young

The power of small positive changes

Anatomy of a RINGS Chat

Serotonin-healthy relationships (Part 3 of 3 posts)

How to tune an out of tune marriage

Tuesday@10:10

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