Guest post by Rich Wildman, Stubborn Pursuits Ministries, for Tuesday@10:10 blog post.
Posted with permission.
One Friday morning I started a fire in a brush pile. Just like the start of many marriages it was roaring pretty good. Then on Monday, after two or three inches of rain and cold weather, the fire looked pretty dead. When I walked up to it all I saw was the black and grey ashes.
This is like many marriages after 10, 20 or 30 years of married life, relationship challenges, and maybe a separation or just a hard season of marriage. From the outside looking in the marriage looks dead.
After I stirred up some of the dead-looking embers, notice the blaze (in the center of the picture) that was rekindled. I did not strike any match; this rekindled by itself.
Even though your marriage may look dead, if there are just a few of the tiniest embers of love left, your marriage can be rekindled if you stir what is left.
If I had added some dry paper and wood do you think I could have had a roaring fire again? What fuel do you need to add to the embers of your marriage to have a roaring fire of a marriage again?
Visit Stubborn Pursuits Ministries website and read about Rich and Sharon's own story, how their marriage appeared dead, but how it was rekindled. Many helpful and amazing resources on this site!
By Ronda Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post
Ronda is co-director of Marriage Resource Center of Miami Valley, Springfield, Ohio
In our RINGS class we describe the "Journey to Disconnectedness" (by Tim and Linda Buttrey) where couples drift along a path of chronic busy-ness, fatigue and irritability until they find themselves totally disconnected and seeking fulfillment in addictions or other relationships.
With 36 years of marriage behind us and 20+ years of working with couples - we can confidently conclude that ALL couples experience seasons of high stress and busyness. There are times when there seems to be no end to work and family demands and life may feel like it's spiraling out of control.
We have seen young, committed couples move from "We will be together ALWAYS - no matter what" to "I don't recognize this person I'm living with anymore". We've been there ourselves.
A common theme running through the lives of these struggling couples are lives that are crazy busy with time demands that far exceed the ability of any human being to effectively manage. Our "Serotonin Tanks" are constantly running on empty and our ability to regulate emotions and effectively problem solve are greatly compromised - two skills critical to develop and sustain healthy relationships.
Our message to ourselves and other couples is to "H.A.L.T." Pay attention to the 12 serotonin depleters and 12 serotonin replenishers. Take time to de-stress and de-compress. (See previous blogs). Create a peaceful oasis in your busy day to connect with your spouse. Make time with your spouse a priority - just 10-15 minutes a day of quality intentional connecting (think RINGS chat) can reap huge relationship dividends. If you have NO IDEA what we're talking about - sign up for a RINGS class and we'll tell you.
Previously . . .
Unlocking the serotonin mystery (Part 1 of 3 posts)
The serotonin tank (Part 2 of 3 posts)
A weekly post on Tuesdays at 10:10 am that addresses some topic associated with relationship and marriage health. Don't miss it!
Main author is Lavern Nissley, Executive Director of MRCMV. Guest authors will be included in posts from time to time.