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Rekindling an almost dead marriage

3/22/2016

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Guest post by Rich Wildman, Stubborn Pursuits Ministries, for Tuesday@10:10 blog post.
​Posted with permission.


One Friday morning I started a fire in a brush pile. Just like the start of many marriages it was roaring pretty good. Then on Monday, after two or three inches of rain and cold weather, the fire looked pretty dead. When I walked up to it all I saw was the black and grey ashes.

This is like many marriages after 10, 20 or 30 years of married life, relationship challenges, and maybe a separation or just a hard season of marriage. From the outside looking in the marriage looks dead. 

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After I stirred up some of the dead-looking embers, notice the blaze (in the center of the picture) that was rekindled. I did not strike any match; this rekindled by itself.

​Even though your marriage may look dead, if there are just a few of the tiniest embers of love left, your marriage can be rekindled if you stir what is left.

If I had added some dry paper and wood do you think I could have had a roaring fire again? What fuel do you need to add to the embers of your marriage to have a roaring fire of a marriage again?

Visit Stubborn Pursuits Ministries website and read about Rich and Sharon's own story, how their marriage appeared dead, but how it was rekindled. Many helpful and amazing resources on this site!
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Rich and Sharon Wildman, founders of Stubborn Pursuits Ministries
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In case you missed our posts on serotonin

9/15/2015

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By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post

On August 25 we posted a three part series of articles by Ronda Nissley on serotonin and its effects upon relationships.

In case you missed the series or the links to Parts 2 and 3, we are bringing them your way again today.

CLICK ON TITLES BELOW TO READ ARTICLES
  • Unlocking the serotonin mystery (Part 1 of 3 posts)
  • The serotonin tank (Part 2 of 3 posts)
  • Serotonin-healthy relationships (Part 3 of 3 posts)

Thank you, Ronda, for sharing your interesting finds!


Enjoy!
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Image courtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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Serotonin-healthy relationships (Part 3 of 3 posts)

8/25/2015

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By Ronda Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post
Ronda is co-director of Marriage Resource Center of Miami Valley, Springfield, Ohio


In our RINGS class we describe the "Journey to Disconnectedness" (by Tim and Linda Buttrey) where couples drift along a path of chronic busy-ness, fatigue and irritability until they find themselves totally disconnected and seeking fulfillment in addictions or other relationships.

With 36 years of marriage behind us and 20+ years of working with couples - we can confidently conclude that ALL couples experience seasons of high stress and busyness. There are times when there seems to be no end to work and family demands and life may feel like it's spiraling out of control.

We have seen young, committed couples move from "We will be together ALWAYS - no matter what" to "I don't recognize this person I'm living with anymore".  We've been there ourselves.

A common theme running through the lives of these struggling couples are lives that are crazy busy with time demands that far exceed the ability of any human being to effectively manage. Our "Serotonin Tanks" are constantly running on empty and our ability to regulate emotions and effectively problem solve are greatly compromised - two skills critical to develop and sustain healthy relationships.

Our message to ourselves and other couples is to "H.A.L.T." Pay attention to the 12 serotonin depleters and 12 serotonin replenishers. Take time to de-stress and de-compress. (See previous blogs). Create a peaceful oasis in your busy day to connect with your spouse.  Make time with your spouse a priority - just 10-15 minutes a day of quality intentional connecting (think RINGS chat) can reap huge relationship dividends. If you have NO IDEA what we're talking about - sign up for a RINGS class and we'll tell you.

Previously . . .
Unlocking the serotonin mystery (Part 1 of 3 posts)
The serotonin tank (Part 2 of 3 posts)

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3 crucial areas to recharge your marriage

8/18/2015

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By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post

Have you ever run down your cell phone to the point it simply went blank? Likely you used it quite a bit, and recharging it just plain didn't happen soon enough.

Marriages can get run down, too. Failing to recharge on a regular basis leaves them as blank as a dead cell phone.

From personal experience I suggest at least three crucial areas to recharge your marriage, and all three areas are encouraged (as opposed to selecting only one or two). And it's important to address these three areas together as a couple (rather than individually), if possible.

  1. Put down your spiritual roots. Whether this means reading inspirational scriptures, praying together, listening to uplifting music or quietly observing the beauty of creation around you . . . make sure you are feeding yourselves spiritually. The key is to focus on that which is way bigger than you, to draw strength and hope from resources that have encouraged people for centuries.
  2. Courageously express your soul. This probably sounds more scary than it is. But start with simple emotions: What are you glad about? What are you mad about? What are you sad about? What are you afraid of? The listener should not feel compelled to fix anything - just listen supportively. Also take a look at your thoughts: What are you finding fulfilling? What is challenging? What do you find yourself focusing upon?
  3. Increase oxygen flow for your body. Several long, slow breaths can bring about amazing results. If you are adventuresome, higher levels of activity like walking, biking, running, rowing, jumping, swimming, etc. all serve to increase oxygen flow. Those with Fitbits or activity trackers have a great feedback tool for making sure your daily goals are achieved.
All three of these areas -- spirit, soul and body -- are interconnected and greatly impact relationships. Seeing them as crucial conduits for recharging your marriage just makes sense.

What have you found helpful in recharging your own marriage?
Cell phone battery charger
couple holding hands
Images courtesy of phonebatteri.com and of phanlop88 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
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    Tuesday@10:10

    A weekly post on Tuesdays at 10:10 am that addresses some topic associated with relationship and marriage health. Don't miss it!

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    Main author is Lavern Nissley, Executive Director of MRCMV. Guest authors will be included in posts from time to time.

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