By Lavern Nissley

Father's Day 2015 was two days ago, and many of us experienced memories and/or celebrations surrounding the role of fathers. 

Sixteen years ago (1999), in South Africa's Pilanesberg Park, rhinos suddenly began to show up dead. But it wasn't poachers that killed 39 white rhinos, 10% of the population. It was juvenile elephants who had been separated from their fathers and dominant male role models!

Bob Simon first reported this story for 60 Minutes in 1999, including the remedy (view excerpts in YouTube video at right). Older bull elephants were brought into the vicinity, and it wasn't long before the younger, out of control elephants changed their behavior for the better. Not one rhino was killed after that! Apparently the testosterone-charged juveniles were discouraged from being sexually active. Less testosterone. Less aggression.

There seems to be a "bull elephant" persona that healthy fathers and male role models can play in the lives of children and youth. Our 5-year-old granddaughter, Ali, at times needs the dominance of her own daddy to "draw a line in the sand"--essentially saying, "No more of this!"

Have you ever seen a healthy "bull elephant" influence among your own children? Or among adolescents? Obviously, we're not talking about a hurtful domination that leaves scars for life. Rather, draw encouragement from the powerful behavioral influence that positive fathering and male role models can play in the next generation.

By Joy Sherman

There’s something exciting about the early days of a relationship; while your face is flushed with excitement and adrenaline being near someone you love, there’s also a second natural high that comes from the interesting discoveries we make. Sometimes it’s the small things: He doesn’t like lima beans either! or It’s so funny the way she loads a taste of everything on her fork at one time. Sometimes it’s the surprising things: I didn’t know she liked to play tennis or He’s a really gifted writer. Sometimes it’s the differences:  I didn’t realize he was such an introvert or She stays so busy.

After a couple has been together for a while – there’s not really a specific time limit here – it seems the discoveries start to wane. There is less newness and more sameness and things don’t feel so exciting. This is the place where lots of couples start to believe that maybe the relationship isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, that those feelings just aren’t there anymore.

Truth is, we can’t ever know all there is to know about a person, even someone we spend our lives with every day. There are entire novels of childhood stories, a vast array of small joys and sorrows that weave into the fabric of each person’s life. Just by living, we make tiny revelations about ourselves to one another each day; we just don’t give them as much attention as we did in the beginning.

So what if we did? What if I valued the things today I’m learning about my husband, Steve, the way I did 14 years ago when we met? Like the fact that he doesn’t really like coffee without some kind of sweetener in it but he will drink it that way for me if we share a cup. What if I showed interest in every location he pointed out where he’d harvested a deer, because every woods tells a story about him? I’m not suggesting everything new I learn is exciting because of what I learn, but everything I am learning about my spouse is exciting because there is still more to know.

Healthy relationships aren’t always about the right feelings; sometimes we put in the work and time when the feelings aren’t there. But we can’t buy into the lie that feelings are gone because there’s nothing new to learn anymore. Every day is a new page in my husband’s story that I haven’t read yet because he’s just starting to write it that day. I’m committing to enjoying the story, giving thanks for the smallest of discoveries along the way.

What new discoveries are you making in your marriage?

By Lavern Nissley

Just this morning I ran into a friend who was beginning The Love Dare, a 40 day Christian devotional written by Alex and Stephen Kendrick to strengthen marriages. You might recognize The Love Dare from the 2008 film Fireproof.

With a big smile on his face my friend told me it was Day 1 with the resolution "to say nothing negative to your spouse today at all." I could see that he was excited and personally affected in a positive way. And it was only Day 1!

Even children understand the process of sowing and reaping. That in order to reap corn, one must plant corn. The same for everything, it seems, except weeds, which pretty much grow on their own.

You would think me agriculturally challenged if you saw me looking at a plot of ground saying, "I want strawberries! Where are my strawberries?" -- but then learned that I had never even planted strawberries!

The Five Love Languages, a best-selling book by Dr. Gary Chapman, provides a life-long paradigm of making "love tank deposits" into those around you. A word of affirmation here, an act of service there, some quality time, an appropriate touch, or a gift are all examples of sowing positives. We are virtually assured of reaping positives from such investments.

My wife, Ronda, has expressed appreciation to me for the daily "love tank deposit" of a fresh cup of coffee every morning. While it's not the only deposit I make into her love tank, it's the first every day and well worth the few minutes of effort expended.

What are some positives you could sow today?

By Lavern Nissley

Although I don't play the guitar (keyboards are my niche), I know the importance of regular tuning. Most electric and acoustic guitars have six strings, any one of which can "drift" out of tune and affect the overall pleasantness of output. This is true regardless of style or genre of music.

Many guitars have built in tuners that allow for easy adjustments. Watch any pop concert, and you'll notice guitars being swapped out constantly for tuning. Orchestras tune to the oboe because its pitch is easy to hear and is fairly stable.

According to Wikipedia, A440 or A4, which has a frequency of 440 Hz, is the musical note A above middle C and serves as a general tuning standard for musical pitch.

Marriages can easily get out of tune from A440--that tone of "healthy interaction" that is pleasing to the couple itself and those "listening". If not tuned regularly, the "drift" can make others want to cover their ears!

How do you know if you're in or out of tune? See John Gottman's research on Marriage Predictors.

Ronda and I have found that we need daily tuning of our marriage. The RINGS Chat and praying together have become our A440. Annually, we've found a resource like The Couple Checkup helpful in identifying elements in our marriage that are out of balance.

Regardless of the "personality style" of your marriage, find an A440 that keeps you in tune!