By Lavern Nissley, Tuesday@10:10 blog post

You've heard it many times. "Practice makes perfect". That may be true for certain technical or physical skills like welding, sewing, diving, gymnastics, etc.

But in relationships there is no such thing as perfection. Even couples who have been married and "practicing" for over half a century . . . perfection is quite elusive. In fact, the longer the relationship, the more realistic the expectation that perfection is simply not attainable.

Ron and Cathy Tijerina, co-directors of The Ridge Project in McClure, Ohio, emphasize in their relationship trainings that "practice makes permanent". So while there is no "perfection status" payoff to practicing various skills, couples who keep working on those skills will see increased health, vitality and permanence.

The Tijerina's story of Ron's 15 year incarceration for a crime he didn't commit is chronicled in their book High Five, which includes 5 solid principles for building a forever family:

• Friendship
• Faithfulness
• Forgiveness
• Fairness
• Fortitude

Check out this helpful resource and experience the inspiration of this couple's story of putting into practice 5 principles that not only left their own marriage intact, but that has touched hundreds of other marriages as well.

With perfection out of reach (for you or your partner), you can relax and simply work together on building permanence.

By Lavern Nissley for Tuesday@10:10 blogpost

One of the questions we often ask couples is, "What kind of examples did you have of a healthy marriage?"

Unfortunately, not many couples refer to their own parents as an example to follow. In a room full of 12-15 couples, perhaps 1 or 2 people raise their hands to affirm their own parents' marriage example. Likely the "chilling effect" for many millennials whose parents didn't leave them a healthy marriage legacy is to shy away from marriage altogether.

While no marriage is perfect, wouldn't it be great to see more and more children quickly identifying their own parents as models of healthy marriages? Instead of behaviors to be avoided ("I'll never have a marriage like my parents!"), how refreshing it would be to hear, "My parents gave me a blueprint for what a good/great marriage looks like. I won't settle for anything else."

Think about what your own children would say about your marriage. "Their marriage was characterized by . . ." What words will they use to describe it?

We love working with couples who really want to maximize their marriage health. What a breath of fresh air! They seem motivated NOT to get stuck in a generational rut that leaves both partners damaged and children clueless on how to communicate and resolve conflicts productively.

Often it requires some education, or re-education. Those couples who go through The RINGS Experience (a class we offer for couples) walk away with tangible tools to leave a healthy marriage legacy. Spending time with a healthy couple or two can provide inspiration and motivation to settle for nothing but a beautiful marriage.

If that's your dream, we would love to hear about it and how your own marriage journey is progressing toward it. If you're needing help getting to marriage health, we are glad to help.

By Lavern Nissley for Tuesday@10:10 blogpost

Our 37th anniversary dinner on December 29 kind of ended in a train wreck. Somehow we got into a tangle about expectations surrounding finances. Emotion. Escalation. Exasperation. Things said that we regretted. If you've been married any length of time, you get the picture. More on how it worked out later.

February 7-14 is National Marriage Week, timed to coincide with Valentine's Day. "Love" is a big thing this time of year with all kinds of nice flowers, hearts, candies and items that say "love is in the air". And marriage, of all human relationships, should reflect the presence of love, right?

But is love ALL we need?

No.

Love IS an important ingredient in any human relationship. But, talking marriages now . . . it sure isn't the ONLY thing we need. We also need SKILLS on how to communicate and how to resolve conflicts productively. Without those skills love has a way of "cooling off" and damaging relationships.

The 8 hour RINGS Experience for couples is a way to learn, practice and implement habits and skills that really keep the love "hot". Here's what several people had to say about the class:

• "This class brought us an intimacy level that we had been lacking for about a year."
• "Thank you so much! I had a very negative opinion of this course and marriage prior to today, but WOW, what 8 hours will do!"
• "Great experience! I now feel if we use these tools, our marriage can be saved."

Back to our ill-fated anniversary dinner. We still struggle and have to work hard in our marriage, even after 37 years. But we're so glad for the tools/skills we've acquired along the way to help us navigate the inevitable train wrecks. We were able to talk through our conflict productively in about 30 minutes and end our 37th anniversary on a positive note.

​Love wasn't the only thing we needed. Several simple relationship skills quickly got us back on track after the derailment.