Ideas People: Lavern & Ronda Nissley

(Published in Springfield News-Sun, December 6, 2012)
IDEAS PEOPLE: LAVERN & RONDA NISSLEY
Working to keep marriages healthy, strong

We’re always interested in suggestions from our readers about who should be 
featured in this space, and several folks recommended that Lavern and Ronda Nissley, 
the couple who operate Spring-field’s Marriage Resource Center, would be great “Idea 
People.” We got the chance to put a few questions to them this week. To learn more 
about the center and their work, call or visit 937-324-3604 or www.mrcmv.org   

Q: Talk about the mission and work of the Marriage Resource Center, for those 
not familiar with it.
 Lavern Nissley: The Marriage Resource Center was launched in 2004 to address a 
troubling statistic in Clark County. Marriage terminations for about 10 years had been 
about twice the national average, meaning almost as many divorces as weddings in a 
given year.
 Ronda Nissley: Fractured families increase social-risk factors in children and cost 
taxpayers about $30,000 per divorce. Our approach has been to offer marriage and 
relationship classes that provide tools and skills for strengthening communication, 
connection and conflict resolution.
 Lavern: So, a variety of relationship classes for couples, men, women and teens, as 
well as those in the workplace,make up the range of programs we are delivering. Most 
classes are about 8 to 10 hours in length, faith-neutral and at no cost to participants.

 Q: Is the center’s program designed mostly for couples who are having troubles 
with their relationship, necessarily, or for everyone?
 Lavern: It is for everyone who wants to strengthen life relationships. The RINGS class 
for couples, as an example , is for marriage preparation, enrichment or restoration.
 Ronda: We’ve kept meticulous records on completions and effectiveness. To date, 
more than 16,000 have attended and completed classes offered in Clark, Greene and 
Champaign counties with a pre- to post-test average improvement of about 30 percent.

 Q: What are some of the things couples need to pay attention to, to keep their 
marriage strong?
 Lavern: In 1990, after about 11 years of marriage, we attended a marriage seminar 
and came away with several “musts” that have kept our marriage strong. One was a 
daily time of connecting with each other for at least 15 minutes. We’ve called it the 
RINGS chat, an acrostic for five important elements: Real, Information/ Intentions, 
Needs, Grateful, Someday. (Visit our website for details on this.)
 Ronda: The RINGS chat is what keeps us connected, communicating and heading off 
conflicts. Every day starts with Lavern getting us both coffee, each having some time 
alone, then coming together for our RINGS chat.
 Lavern: Praying together daily is the second major “must” we took away from the 
seminar, for it reflects a humble posture that we can’t do marriage and life by ourselves. 
Less than 1 percent of couples who pray together daily experience divorce.
 Ronda: Marriage research strongly encourages that couples plan for daily connecting 
times, weekly dates, attending marriage enrichment events, taking timeouts when 
conflict is escalating, and arming themselves with proven conflict-resolution skills.

 Q: Of course, having children has a big impact on any marriage. How does 
parenting play into all this?
 Lavern: One of the most important gifts that parents can give their children is a strong 
marriage. And one of the best gifts we can give parents is time away from their children 
for just the two of them.
 Ronda: Research on parenting effectiveness shows better outcomes for parents who 
work on their marriages than on parenting skills per se. After all, parenting also requires 
communication and conflict-resolution skills.

 Q: Are there key times in a relationship at which problems are more likely to 
emerge?
 Lavern: Any change that requires adjustments (stress) can bring problems to the 
surface: a new residence, a new job, a new baby, empty nest, health challenges, 
financial struggles, in-law conflicts, a damaging secret revealed and the like. However, 
the best preparation for such changes would be to gain the skills in advance to navigate 
them. That’s why we spend so much time on the tools of communication and conflict 
resolution.

 Q: What do you enjoy most about your work?
 Ronda: For most of our 34 years of marriage, we had separate jobs/ employers. We 
have really enjoyed working together as a couple since 2005 when we began with the 
Marriage Resource Center.
 Lavern: I think we have seen a greater level of fruitfulness and fulfillment by investing 
our energies wholeheartedly toward healthy relationships. Hearing feedback like, “Our 
relationship is so much better after taking your classes,” or “If it weren’t for being 
mentored, we would not be together,” reinforces our desire to keep doing this!

 Q: What do you like about living and working in the Spring-field area? What is 
one thing you’d like to change to make it better?
 Lavern: We’ve lived in Springfield since 1994, and we love the many relationships 
established with caring, competent people. No city is perfect (even as no marriage is 
perfect), but there are many people in this area who are truly striving to make it better.
 Ronda: We’d love to see relationships of all kinds improved, so that’s where we’ll 
continue to invest our time and energy.
 Lavern: Marriage failure rates in Clark County have decreased about 25 to 30 percent 
since 2004. We still have a ways to go to reach the national average of 48.5 percent; 
however, we celebrate progress, appreciating the opportunity to make a positive 
difference.

Lavern (left) and Ronda Nissley, who operate Springfield’s Marriage Resource Center. KRISTEN FRANK / IMPACT PRODUCTIONS